“Thank you for tuning in and welcome to the Ken & Ozzy Show! My name is Ozzy, and this is my best pal Ken. Tonight we have the most fascinating story for you!”
“Tell us, Ozzy. What is so fascinating about the story?”
“Ken, do I have a treat for you. Tonight we will look at the dark and secret history of the Archduchy of Tolonda.”
“You had my curiosity, Ozzy, but now you have my attention.”
“Well, Ken, would you like to guess the origins of the Archduchy?”
“Hmm, was it perhaps because an ancient extinct race came back to reclaim their galaxy-wide empire?
“Haha, what a humorous guess, Ken, but you would be wrong.”
“Then tell me, Ozzy, how did it begin?”
“This might shock you, Ken, but the Archduchy began when Uther von Kaldreon stole his wealth from the Galactic Empire.”
“What a fascinating discovery, Ozzy. I would have never guessed that! What else can you tell us?”
“Did you know that in the heart of the Archduchy, on planet Tamra, there is a cannibalistic cult?”
“Wow, now that is shocking! Were they the Sith cult we saw in Year 21, Ozzy?”
“I do not know, Ken, but I hope the cult wasn’t in charge of catering!”
“Surely the Archduke would not allow such a thing, Ozzy. That would be almost as bad as leaving your son to grow up on a fairytale planet!”
“Speaking of the Archduke, did you know, Ken, that the government once claimed their leader Uther was a Rakatan?”
“But wouldn’t the people notice, Ozzy? The ancient Rakatans are very recognisable.”
“You would think so, Ken, but Uther is very clever and was in disguise. This is our artistic interpretation of Uther as a Rakatan.”
“Those look like the same faces to me, Ozzy! But wait a minute, if Uther is a Ratakan in disguise, wouldn’t his son also be a Ratakan?”
“Of course, Ken! What a good-looking family.”
"Agreed Ozzy! It would be a Noble mistake not wanting to kiss that Princely face."
“I do say, Ken, I did enjoy that last government name change.”
"Oh yeah, Ozzy? What didja like about it?"
"It was the LAST one, Ken!"
"Was it though?"
"Oh ho ho ho ho."
“Tell me, Ozzy, how do you know all this fascinating information about the Archduchy?”
“I learned it all from this investigative document that was written by Lilith Delcroix.”
“Who?”
“You know, Ken, the albino Countess.”
“Ah yes, but why would she write such a thing, Ozzy?”
“Who knows, Ken, breakups change people.”
“I am sure keen to read it, Ozzy.”
“And you too dear viewers can learn how the Tolonda government started as Imperial traitors, became rebels, and ended as a galactic joke!”
“That is all we have for tonight, goodbye, and stay vigilant, you never know when an ancient race might try to reclaim your home!”
As the camera pans out from a waving Ken and Ozzy, a message scrolls across the bottom of the Screen
When Prince Arthur von Kaldreon was approached for comment on the history of the governance of the Tolonda Sector, it was advised that they will be publishing their own story to the Galactic Holonet in the coming days. We here at Vaz! Media wait with bated breath to hear the uncut, uncensored truth of the Tolondan Regime.
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE COLLECTED HISTORY OF THE CULT OF TOLONDA
