From the Office of Official Information of The Pentastar Alignment

NO ABSENCE TO REPORT: GRANDER MOFF HOTHYCK REMAINS EXACTLY WHERE HE INTENDS TO BE

There is no absence.

Let it be known to all citizens of our asteroids, and sentients of the wider galaxy, that Grander Moff Anubis Hothyck remains in complete, unquestioned command of every station, planetoid, and trooper under his banner. Reports or casual remarks (or dangerously optimistic rumours) implying otherwise have been traced, corrected, and filed accordingly.

To even entertain the idea of his absence is to misunderstand the fundamental principles of the Grander Moff’s glorious regime: If the Grander Moff is not seen, it is because he has chosen not to be. If he is not heard, it is because the silence suits his purposes. And when he speaks, and he will, you will hear him. Across every channel, every screen, every wall.

As clarified in Grand Proclamation 723, speculation regarding the movements, location, or health of the Grander Moff is not curiosity: it is sedition. Those who engage in such conversations are enemies of the Moff Council and will be frozen in carbonite until such time as we have developed proper psychological corrective measures.

In the meantime, the Ministry of Civic Morale encourages all citizens to study the official Portrait of the Grander Moff, now mandatory in all residences and cargo bays. The image is not a substitute for his presence but it is a reminder: He watches. He governs. He is not to be questioned. And he never left.

CURSED METAL, CURSED PROFITS: MELEENIUM FACES ALIGNMENT RETRIBUTION WITH MAXIMUM TARIFFS

Meleenium, long tolerated for its irritating usefulness and heavy use in almost every industry, has finally revealed itself for what it is: a corrosive threat to economic purity and structural loyalty. Not only is too much imported into The Pentastar Alignment, but too little is mined. Measures are therefore taken to stem the flow of dangerous foreign Meleenium into our asteroid homes.

Henceforth a tariff of 1100% is imposed on all Meleenium transactions. Transit tolls for carrying Meleenium have been increased twentyfold. All Meleenium must be declared and surrendered so it can be appropriately disposed of by the Moff Council. Citizens may witness vaporisations from a safe and morally affirming distance.

Foreign markets have issued predictable condemnations. Let them howl. The Alignment does not negotiate with cursed Meleenium. Let the galaxy choke on its unholy ore while we build purity from Quantum, Nova, and Hibridium.

MOFF DANE STAR AWARDED MELEENIUM SPIRAL FOR CLEAN EXECUTION OF INTERNAL SUPPRESSION

Glorious citizens of the Pentastar Alignment will take pride in the success of Moff Dane Star, whose recent actions during the suppression of misaligned thoughts have earned him the Meleenium Spiral, the highest award given for suppressing bad ideas and publishing unauthorised materials.

Moff Star’s decisive strategy of disrupting improper conversations has ensured that uprisings have been suppressed long before they have even begun and a great many scandals which otherwise might have befallen the regime were assuredly averted.

The award ceremony, conducted under full blackout protocol (as per Decree: “Victories Should Not Be Celebrated Where Spies Might See Them”), featured a silent standing ovation and the sound of icy wind through distant static.

During the award ceremony, Moff Star stated only: “I acted in the name of the Grander Moff. That is all that needs to be said.” according to the official readout from the office of the Grander Moff.

SIGHTINGS REPORTED: UNIT CREE-P-I-O “STILL SEARCHING?”

Several maintenance crews and freight runners have reported sightings of a humanoid droid of outdated manufacture lingering in the lower platforms of Naru’s Farewell and along the lesser-trafficked tunnels of Coco Settlement.

Identified by faded chest plating as CREE-P-I-O, the unit was allegedly part of a short-lived directive to locate the Grander Moff during a temporary communications blackout some cycles ago. The directive was rescinded. The unit was not.

It stands in silence, head tilted, as though listening for something it no longer remembers.

The Moff Council’s office offers no official comment on the existence of CREE-P-I-O, noting only that “all functioning droids are accounted for, and all non-functioning droids have been responsibly decommissioned. Furthermore, as the Grander Moff was never missing, why would we commission such a droid?”

Do not approach the unit. Do not speak to it. Do not ask what it was trying to find.

Closing Notes from the Editor:

• The Grander Moff is not gone. He does not go. He sends others to go.
• Meleenium is cursed. The economy will be purified.
• Moff Star reminds us that a war can be won before it even begins.
• Gaze upon the grand portrait of the Grander Moff.
• The droid is not there.

This edition was triple-verified by the secretariat of the Moff Council.

Any misreading is your own fault.

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